APRIL FOOLS EDITION
2 APRIL 2009
WW P&G D?
Cascade at the Center of Cleaning Controversy
Your spry reporter awakened to the cheerful chirping of early birds gathering the first spring worms this morning and found herself pondering this age-old investor question: What Will Procter & Gamble Do? It seems that one of the company's top products is facing a mountain of controversy in Spokane. This reporter dares to reveal that it is not the Cascades Range that is at the center of the melee, but rather, the dishwashing detergent by the same name.
When your most astute reporter first caught wind of a smuggling scheme involving a white, powdery substance, she was convinced that she was the victim of one of those foolish pranks associated with the first day of April - and even more so when she discovered that the substance in question was none other than phosphate dishwasher detergent. Your reporter has since learned that the underground movement reaching the boiling point on the West Coast is not the imminent eruption of an angry volcano, but an outcry over a new law banning the sale of such detergent. Residents, it seems, have come to the realization that the "green" brands, while friendly to the environment, er, uh, don't work. No foolin'.
Further, it has come to this reporter's attention that Spokanians aren't as squeaky-clean as once thought. It seems they are arriving in Idaho in droves, purchasing the questionable substance and sneaking it across the border. One resident, who admitted under bright lights and great duress to being a "smuggler," lamented that the "green" detergents don't remove grease or food particles, and that she simply cannot live with dirty dishes.
Further investigation revealed that the ban is set to go statewide in 2010, and that at least nine other states - including Massachusetts - plan to follow suit. (However will the Harvard Square staff maintain the sparkle on the company's lunchroom China?) A bill on Capitol Hill would impose a nationwide ban. Your trustworthy reporter cautions that this is not a tall tale and ponders the impact this craze might have on the blue chip giant.
After a search of the StockCentral forum, your reporter was devastated to find that P&G is not yet the source of the wisdom, enlightenment and fodder so characteristically associated with StockCentral members. As such, she challenges a maverick StockCentral member to take the reins and make the daring move to commence such a forum for the StockCentral community. Your fellow investors will thank you, as will your lofty reporter.
On to today's headlines...
HASTE WILL MAKE WASTE
InvestEd, Aug. 7-9, 2009: Early Birds Get the Green
East of the Cascades and far from the epicenter of the Cascade Controversy is another location on the verge of overflowing... with knowledge hotter than the remnants of Mount Redoubt, your inquisitive reporter has learned. This year's InvestEd boasts 60 sessions - more than half of which are brand-new, including Surviving the Bear Markets, Evaluate Management, Investing in Turbulent Times and Discounted Cash Flow.
Speaking of green, in the investing sphere, the translation is: hard-earned cash. And that's exactly what you'll save when you, like the orange-bellied robins that graced this reporter's plush lawn this very morning, register as an Early Bird. Your wiley and cunning reporter has learned from sources who begged anonymity that the entire InvestEd experience can be had at the rock-bottom price of $369 - but only until May 1. She further extracted this tidbit: StockCentral members can shave off an additional ten spot. A room fit for a king and a queen can be had for $109 a night and attendees will experience nothing short of the royal treatment, including:
- No membership fee required to attend InvestEd
- Five full-course meals on Saturday and Sunday included in registration fee
- Free shuttle from Salt Lake International Airport to the hotel and back to the airport for your return flight
- Free light-rail transportation to attractions in the city center
- Free wireless Internet access in the conference area as well as the InvestEd sleeping room block
Just one stock tip, one gem of information about a company report in Toolkit 6, one idea for a better way to manage your portfolio can make a significant difference in your portfolio returns. Don't wait! Register Online or with the PDF Form. See you in Salt Lake City!
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie Or Let Them Off the Leash?
Guru Gerlach Gives Insights Into the Well-Heeled Portfolio
When the going gets tough, the tough get going -- to Orange, Calif. May 9 for a jam-packed, one-day only event -- FREE to StockCentral members -- featuring ICLUBcentral Prez Douglas Gerlach.
- Learn whether it's time to take action on those dogs in your portfolio, or exercise patience
- Get the inside scoop on what really happens at investment banks and brokerage firms when they say buy, sell, or hold
- Build a model to fine-tune your own earnings projections just like analysts do
- Learn how to use the Toolkit 6 to analyze quality-oriented growth companies using a structured, time-tested methodology
- Participate in website and software demonstrations
And don't miss the Event Special: If you like what you see, take home a copy of Toolkit 6 at a reduced price! Register today!
TODAY'S ENTIRELY RELEVANT QUOTATION
"Yes, I am a smuggler. I'm taking my chances because dirty dishes I cannot live with."
-Spokane Resident Patti Marcotte, in an interview with The Associated Press