PIRACY EDITION
20 APRIL 2009
USS GERLACH SETS SAIL SOON
U.S. Navy Denies Escort; Seminar-Laden Schedule Continues Nonetheless
What in blazes is going on out there? When your astute reporter caught wind of -- what's this? Piracy on the high seas? -- she thought she had been sucked into a time warp. According to her precise calculations, a U.S. ship has not been compromised by pirates in nearly 200 years.
Not to be deterred, the coming weeks involve a heavy schedule of travel by our Fearless Leader Gerlach (and others), aiming to spread investing goodwill and cheer to the masses with a series of educational (and, dare we say, entertaining) workshops, presentations, and seminars.
Here is a sampling of the exciting events occuring in the next few weeks:
- StockCentral Street Team Presents a Mini Workshop, "A Pit Stop on the Road to Better Returns", Bloomington, MN, Saturday, April 25, 2009 (free!).
- Doug Gerlach Visits the San Diego Chapter Computer Group, Thursday, May 7, 2009 (free!).
- Doug Gerlach Conducts Workshop, "Smarter Investing in These Times", Orange, CA, Saturday, May 9, 2009 (free for StockCentral members, $15 otherwise).
- StockCentral and Toolkit 6 at the Money Show, Las Vegas, May 12-14, 2009 (free!).
Opportunities abound for those astute enough to take advantage of them....
LEARNING LIBRARY PROVIDES CRUCIAL COVER
StockCentral Reporter Successfully Eludes Pirates
Your stealthy reporter feels obliged to reveal that, finding herself the mark of hot pursuit by a band of pirates this very day, she dodged the threat by dashing into the StockCentral Learning Library and ducking between the stacks. As your ninja-like reporter stopped to catch her breath, she took a look around her and realized, to her astonishment, that the StockCentral resources had grown by leaps and bounds. As soon as she was sure the threat had passed, she dared browse these new gems and was thrilled to find amongst them:
- All About Take Stock
- Electronic Stock Data Comparison
- Analyzing Bank Stocks
- ICLUBcentral Fact Sheet
- Invite StockCentral Founder Doug Gerlach to Speak at Your Event
- Toolkit 6 Brochure
- When to Sell: Portfolio Management
- StockCentral Glossary of Investing Terms
Your wise reporter was in awe when she realized the breadth and depth of the knowledge that was right there at her very fingertips. As she thumbed through the files... All About Take Stock, Closing Your Investment Club Books at Year End, she came across one she herself had authored! She thought at first that her eyes deceived her, but there it was -- Analyzing Bank Stocks.
At that very moment, it all suddenly became crystal clear. The pirates had been after her StockCentral User Name and Password! Didn't they know that they could sign up for a free StockCentral trial to gain access to this incredible vault of knowledge? After some in-depth investigative reporting, your shrewd reporter has also learned not only that more files are soon to be uploaded to the StockCentral Learning Library, but that StockCentral members are invited to submit their own contributions.
TAX SEASON ENDETH
ICLUBcentral Staff Takes Deserved Respite
After assisting thousands of investment clubs to close their books and file required state and federal tax returns, the ICLUBcentral staff, weary yet elated following a very successful tax season, is off on their traditional April retreat. Looking to rejuvenate and recreate, the entire team will be departing on 23 April 23 at 2:00 PM ET for a long weekend. From this point through 27 April, the staffers will meet to strategize and ready themselves for yet another successful year of great service and innovation.
As such, during this time, ICLUBcentral will be open for business, but will only be available through email. If you have a question about our software, please visit our support web site and make a request online. Upon our return, they wi'll gladly take your calls on our toll-free line -- (877) 334-2582. That's 877-33I-CLUB.
Your indefatigable reporter would be remiss should she dare sign off without relaying the following words from her most esteemed colleague, Dan Abraham, VP of Customer Care: "Everyone at ICLUBcentral would like to thank the individual investors, club members, and especially the Treasurers for making this Tax season one of our best."
TODAY'S ENTIRELY RELEVANT QUOTATION
"We in fact are going to be the second American ship to arrive into Mombasa after the Maersk Alabama. We have had several drills to prepare ourselves to secure ourselves in the engine room. We can do it pretty quick by now."
-Thomas Urbik, Liberty Sun Crewmember, in emails to his Mom